If i come over, it means nothing
Porn is love you can see.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
