Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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