he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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