Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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