Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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