Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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