The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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