Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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