Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
