i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
