How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
