I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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