That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
