worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
did you just send me my own nude
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
