I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
