So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
