People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
