remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
