Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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