he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
