if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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