Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Alive.
So much puke
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And then he peed in my hair
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