You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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