i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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