were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
