i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
