What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
