You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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