respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
