awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
