I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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