Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
