I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
