Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just google imaged poop.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
