she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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