I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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