I wannas sexs uuuuu
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
