The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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