next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
