and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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