Someone shit on the floor
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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