There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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