i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
