drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
