Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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