i just wanna soil my oats bro
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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