my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
