Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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