my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
