her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
