Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
