Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
