I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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