I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
