Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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