do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
