if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
