There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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