if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
