we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
