She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
