I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
