**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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